I  PR’d on my clean lift yesterday (105 lbs, which might not seem like a lot but considering I was struggling with the 35 lbs bar when I started back in May, I’ll take it). A nice accomplishment for me and a good barometer of how far I’ve come in CrossFit and in overall fitness.

My biggest struggle on the clean is letting go of the bar. Specifically, letting go of the bar as I swing it up to catch it. In order to successfully clean, the elbows need to make a near 90-degree shelf as you catch and squat, in order to maintain balance and keep the thrust of your lift in your hips and legs. In order for that to happen, the hands have to let go of its grip on the bar and allow the bar to slide back into the fingers. That allows the elbows to come up faster and takes much of the weight off your forearms and onto your chest and core.

Everything else is coming together but that letting go is a real doozy. (I’ll stop here and say that yes, this is a wonderful metaphor for life. Duly noted and moving on.)

Jim, my instructor, after always yelling “HANDS!” every time I forget to let go of the bar, mentions that the trick isn’t the grip but the knowledge that you can bail if it doesn’t work out. Back during our Foundation class, we spent much of the lifting time learning how to bail if we can’t lift the weight. Jim took great pains to emphasize that learning how to let the bar drop isn’t a failure as a whole, just a failed lift. And it’s no longer a failed lift once you get back and try again.

The ability to fail correctly been the biggest source of confidence in the early going of CrossFit and running. When I started running, I had sharp pain on the top of my left foot, which would hamper my running schedule. I clung to that schedule because I felt if I missed one time or didn’t do the training run exactly right, I wouldn’t be able to finish the half-marathon. It was only when a fellow running friend said that if you need to stop and rest for a week or two, you need to do that rather than over-train and cause injury. Two week of rest later, much of the foot pain was gone.

Technique matters in CrossFit and that includes the right technique in bailing from the lift. You follow the direction of the bar because at that moment, the bar is in charge. Take a step forward or backward and let the bar drop. The key is decisiveness. Don’t hesitate, else you’re in the way. And the weights are impartial to interference.

These lessons ran true in a Wall Street Journal article on how long it takes to get over a traumatic event. The answer is it takes a lot longer than you think. On average, it takes about two years to deal with, process and move on from an event such as a divorce, a job loss and so on.

The difficulty of such an experience, as anyone who has gone through such a traumatic time will say, isn’t the initial shock and anger, as painful as that is. It is the long, messy journey of renegotiation. As the article states,

Some experts call this recovery period an “identity crisis process.” It is perfectly normal, they say, to feel depressed, anxious and distracted during this time—in other words, to be an emotional mess. (Getting over the death of a loved one is more complicated and typically will take even longer than two years, experts say.)

Some people may find they need less than two years to bounce back from a divorce. But experts caution that it probably doesn’t pay to ignore the process, hurry it along or deny it, say, by immediately moving across the country to get a fresh start or diving into a new relationship. That will probably only postpone the day of reckoning.

This article resonates with me as I remember my job loss back in fall 2009. Much of my initial struggles and the long journey that has come from it wasn’t just finding a new job or figuring out where to stay in the District or leave, but it was the sense of not knowing how to deal with this properly. I didn’t know how to fail.

I had never failed professionally and I was very proud of that. Now, I failed big-time and much of my emotional energy went toward trying to reclaim a sense of dignity that was no longer around (and really, wasn’t needed anymore). I didn’t know how long to deal with the process or how much would change because of the job loss. More so, I had no clue was the outcome was going to be. The fear that life as I understood it would be different but how different it would become was something I couldn’t have fathomed.

Time passed and the anger subsided but depression took hold. However, the time in the HOLE had a focus and a purpose: To shake loose that which is no longer needed and re-plant those things that matter.

Eventually, a new rhythm emerged and with that, a new Self arose from the ashes of what I thought was my calling here in D.C. and really, my set of anchors on which I claimed my identity.

I went through the HOLE and made my way in exile, which has led to me now and the end of that journey and the start of a new adventure: The one you, dear reader, are reading about now.

It’s been about 3.5 years since I was fired and I can now say that was one of the best things to have happened to me. Among other things, I learned to fail. Your job doesn’t define you, nor does the weights on the bar. When it doesn’t go well, step back, take a breath and try again.

Before you know it, you’ll have a new personal record.